We asked two women, one Jewish, one not Jewish, to weigh in on the often touchy subject of converting for marriage. Here is what they told us:

When I started dating Tony, I was a recent college grad in a new town where I didn’t know anyone, working a crazy schedule. I had dated one or two non-Jewish guys before, knowing full well it wouldn’t turn into anything. But this was different. After a few months it was apparent that this relationship had potential, and when I should have been elated I was miserable.

After 10 months together, I broke up with him. After months of soul-searching, I came to the conclusion that I always knew in my heart — that while I loved Tony, I could not see myself married to someone who wasn’t Jewish. I craved a Jewish home, a Jewish family and therefore I needed a Jewish man with whom to spend the rest of my life.

When I told Tony why we couldn’t be together, he was devastated, but not surprised. A few days later, he came to me with a proposal — that we would continue dating while he learned everything he could about Judaism. Ultimately, he chose to pursue the path to conversion. Four years later, we stood together under the chuppah.

Laura and her husband, Tony, recently welcomed a baby girl into their happy home.

I’m married to an observant Jewish man, - but I am not Jewish, and don’t plan to convert. Fortunately David* belongs to a religious community that is not only accepting of this, but is welcoming and supportive. I’m able to participate in the rich tradition of his community and we plan to raise our children to have strong Jewish identities. But I won’t convert to Judaism, despite my admiration for my husband and his faith, because of my own religious identity. If I were to convert I would simply be giving up on the substance of me. My family, my culture, my relationship with God and my understanding of the world are all shaped by my faith, and I can’t give this up, nor would he want me to.

David and I both belong to traditions that warn against interfaith marriage. But here we are, making it work, while each practicing our own religion. There are challenges, definitely there are challenges, but there are challenges in every marriage. There are also benefits (besides twice the holidays) - in that we can each admire the faith of the other, and be enriched by it even if we won’t ever compromise on our own. I would never ask my husband to convert, because then he just wouldn’t be the person I love. And he wouldn’t ask me to convert for the same reason. Giving each other this freedom is what makes us able to grow as individuals, and grow closer as a couple.

Heather and David have been together for 5 years. They got married last August.