Dating Jewish? Thoughts from a Jew by Choice.
By Leah JonesLeah Jones is an administrative assistant by day, a writer by night and an aspiring ballroom dancer. A proud Jew by choice, she shares some of her new insights on interfaith dating with Shebrew.
1. Jewish men are down with conversion, but they prefer you wait until after you are engaged.
2. More Jewish men are brought back to Judaism in a significant way by a non-Jewish partner than by the most charismatic, brilliant Rabbis.
3. I dated more Jewish men as a gentile than as a Jew.
4. Before I was Jewish, I was considered too Jewish by Jewish men I dated.
5. Non-Jews are more understanding of why I choose Judaism than Jews. Born-Jews think I must be crazy.
6. Jewish men are intimidated by my adult commitment to Judaism.
7. Jewish men who want a woman that goes to shul every week, don’t want a woman that goes to a Reform shul every week.
8. Jewish men that want a woman who goes to a Reform shul, don’t want a woman who goes to shul every week.
9. Friends often ask if I would date a non-Jew. The answer? It is hard enough to be a single convert, but to be committed to Judaism and be the only Jew in the relationship? Not an option for me.
May 6th, 2006 at 3:54 am
Once again Ari, a stupendous article. One of the best I have seen on the subject. The intensity of your feelings comes through in a poignant way. I can’t tell you haow much I enjoyed it. Kol Hakavod!
May 12th, 2006 at 1:59 am
Being the offspring of a interethnic couple - half Eastern European, half Tunisian - I found this article very eye-opening. Most people think if both my parents are Jewish, there are no problems. But there is such a variety of customs and traditions that we compromise on in our household. I’m glad more awareness is being brought to this issue.
May 17th, 2006 at 7:50 pm
Wow; very, VERY true! Yasher koach!
May 17th, 2006 at 10:30 pm
Thank you for writing this article and offering up this perspective. Unfortunately, it seems that this problem will grow since the majority of the American Jewish populace has integrated into the larger gentile White society quite well. It seems to be human nature (I’m thinking in particular to very light-skinned American Blacks who ‘passed’ as white and cut all ties/assitance to the Black community they were born into) that once you are ‘in’; you have to maintain the attitude of continuing to look down on those who are not ‘in’. So what is happening is that many Jews are foresaking their ancient Jewish familial ties for modern racist social standards. Sounds harsh, I know, but how many Jewish men would much rather date a blue-eyed, bouncy blonde from California before a swarthy-skinned Yemenite Jewess with a prominent nose?
May 19th, 2006 at 2:55 am
Wow! thanks for all the feedback! Life as a single JBC has been interesting so far, we’ll see how it continues.
leah
October 7th, 2006 at 8:07 am
Leah,
I know about you 100 percent from the terrific Hadassh article which I sent you tonight and which you graciously immediately acknowledged.
I am a Jewish woman and I don’t think you’re crazy at all!! I so respect you and your gumption to pick your own religion, and I’m proud that the tribe now has you in it. Stick to your guns about men. You need to marry a Jewish guy. definitely!!
October 22nd, 2006 at 4:57 pm
God that stuff about Jewish men is so true.
October 23rd, 2006 at 1:16 am
#2 rings true with me. My mate did the candle blessing at shul Friday.
Last year she was in the choir for the high holy days and now says her Hebrew prayers as well as me, but her voice is better.
She was always a fan of Jews (she was a house keeper and helper for a Jewish family with a crippled son for a number of years when she was a teenager).
In the lead up to marriage I told her any religion except Christianity was acceptable to me (it was between Budhism, Christianity, “New Age”, and Judaism - Islam was not in the mix). She decided she wanted to be Jewish and is quite an asset to the religion.
October 23rd, 2006 at 1:23 am
I do have a lot of respect for the Christian religion. I consider Jesus to be one of the great feminist emancipators. (i.e. helping to end honor killings).
However, I always had trouble with the Jesus is G-d bit.
Well any way. Nothing like the old time religion. If it was good enough for Jesus it is good enough for me.
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:18 am
I’m still snickering over numbers 7 and 8. So, so true!
(I, uh, eventually met my husband by being set up by our Ritual Committee chair.)
October 26th, 2006 at 2:12 am
Thanks for all the fun comments and the link from Keshertalk! (Where there are even more great comments.)
And please, keep coming back to Shebrew!
October 26th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
What a shame Leah - if your commitment to, and understanding of, Hashem and His requirements had been sufficiently strong and deep you would have found a very warm welcome - and, pretty soon, a husband - in a Torah-true community.
November 12th, 2006 at 2:16 am
Before your conversion you dated jewish men. did you tell that to the beis dins?
October 7th, 2007 at 8:25 am
As a recent convert and a single, young African American woman l couldn’t help but smile (in a really sad way), that I’ve experienced most if not all of the things you listed. I want to date and eventually marry a Jewish man that is proud of his faith and heritage. Unfortunately, many born Jews consider me to “religious” or they can’t handle a serious interracial relationship. So for now, I’ll keep praying and hold my head up high.