Let’s get technical: Valentine’s Day is a Roman, Christian holiday. St. Valentine was a priest in fourth-century Rome that secretly married couples so men could avoid the Roman army. The Emperor, Claudius II, did not like this, because he banned marriage so young men could join his army. Valentine was arrested, and beheaded on February 14th. He was martyr for those people in love. There is also belief that he was a doctor, and could heal people while he was imprisoned. The custom of celebrating couplehood love also comes from the ancient Roman period when young men and women would pick each other’s names out of jars on February 14th in honor of the Festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated on February 15th.

I used to dread the so-called holiday of love in high school, because I would watch all of the couples be cute while I wanted to gag, mostly out jealousy. I ate the chalk-like candy hearts and some chocolate, and then went home. College was worse. Perpetually single, I spent my four Valentine’s Days like this: staying in Freshman year, seeing another school’s production of the Vagina Monologues sophomore year, Junior year I arrived in Australia for study abroad (best ever), and senior year I performed in an ensemble piece for the Vagina Monologues, watching the gushy lesbian couples (all women’s college) on the floor below me laugh as me and my three co-actresses spoke of the horrors of our characters’ menstrual cycles.

Every year I can’t help but think about what it really means to me as stores stock the shelves with hearts, Russell Stover chocolates, cards, teddy bears, and lingerie. It is after all, just another day. I think about it, and Valentine’s Day is a social construct, since the Catholic Church dropped the holiday from its official list. It’s a way to market romantic evenings and expensive jewelry to people. I don’t think it is a particularly Christian holiday per say, but more “American” as my friend Sarah put it. I have another friend who said she “wants to forget it exists altogether.” It gets people to buy diamonds, chocolates, thongs and teddies, and drop down money for expensive dinners. Currently, as a woman in a relationship with another woman, about to celebrate our second Valentine’s Day together, I admit I took part in the commercialism that every holiday gets sucked into. I spent a good amount of money of gifts, and made a dinner reservation. As much as I boycotted this day with other single friends (even some in relationships) it was because I knew that I wanted to be part of a gushy couple who gets to say “My honey did the sweetest things for me on Valentine’s Day . . .” I wanted to be able to do something extra special with that someone special, and get swept up into all of this money-spending American glory. I do make a point to tell my girl how much I love her, every day, but, it’s nice to be able to do it with a glass of wine, some flowers, and yes, even Russell Stover chocolate. So while this “holiday” is just another day, it also means I get to spend another day telling Jessica just how special I she is.