Our question of the week comes from Debbie:
My BF and I have been together for two years. Last year he moved from LA, where we met, to Atlanta for graduate school. We really love each other, and we’re trying to make the long-distance thing work. Here is the thing, though: we end up talking over the instant messenger a lot, because of the time difference. We also talk on the phone, but we always end up running out of minutes halfway through the month. He’s very sarcastic and we talk on IM I can’t tell if he’s kidding or not. We get in really silly fights, but I feel like I’m making too big of a deal out of it. Am I being oversensitive? How can I make it better until he comes back to LA next year – I would hate to lose him over some smiley-face misunderstanding!

We sent this out to our problem-solving Shebrew friends, and this is what they tell ya, Debbie:

Instant Messenger has come a long way recently. You don’t just have to type messages anymore. Using my IM, I can set up live chats with my buddies and talk to them through my computer. It’s like a phone call without using any minutes. I am not sure if this function is available on both PC’s and Mac’s (I have a MAC), but definitely research your options for inexpensive ways to keep in touch beyond typing messages. If your relationship is worth saving but the way you’re communicating isn’t working, find another way. Long distance relationships are VERY hard and they require a lot of work, but you’re nearing the end of your time apart, so keep at it!
- Lesly Hershman

This might be considered radical, but why not turn off the phone , log off your computer and live your own life. I’m not saying break-up, but quit obsessing over every winky smile and every minute on the phone. You go and live your LA life and let him live his Atlanta life. Then you’ll have something to talk about when you are on the phone–something other than fighting over his sarcasm. Overall you’ll find more satisfaction in your daily life and that should translate to a better relationship.

If you insist on living your life glued to the phone, at least get contracts with the same cell phone provider. It is 2006 and there is no reason for overage charges if you plan ahead and use “in network” calling.
- Leah Jones

Stop IM-ing and write emails instead. You both will have more time to think through your words and skip the smiley face drama. As far as sarcasm goes - just talk to him about it, tell him why it bothers you. You’re not asking him to change himself completely - just limit it to the times when you can actually hear his voice. Good luck!
- Anna Berezina